The Dark Phoenix

Welcome to my blog!

My name is Alexander Schrøder. I'm 18 years old as of April 6, 2004. I live in Oslo, the capital of Norway.

I won't tell you that much about me. If you'd like to know me, read my blog entries. They contain so much about me, they should let you know who I am. I pour my thoughts and activities into it.


<< May 2004 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31

If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:

rss feed

Saturday, May 22, 2004
Lucid Dreaming

On this forum I frequently visit, there was some discussion about dreams being in color or monochrome, and if it's possible do dream lucidly or not, and other things concerning dreaming in general. Dreaming is certainly an interesting topic. I've read a book by a man called Richard Feynman, who said he tried dreaming lucidly, and succeeded, although he never called it lucid dreaming, it certainly was. I also have a few friends who have told me they've dreamt lucidly. Now I want to have a go at it myself.

Posted at 14:50 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
My life, Part 1

A boy was born. It happened a Sunday morning, on the 6th of April 1986. He was given the name Alexander, which he got from his great-grandfater Carl Alexander. Already as a young child, he was very interested in how things worked, an interest which still lives strong in the guy. He kept opening and closing shelves, closets, etc. Not to get anything inside, just to observe how it worked. His father wanted him to be interested in sports, but that never turned out well. Alex did touch a football (talking about european football, aka. soccer) now and then, but he never found any genuine interest in one, and quickly stopped doing more or less anything related to sports.

The first memory Alex has is from when he was something like 1 or 2 years old. It's a very vague memory, yet he remembers it rather clearly, like a photograph in his head. He was sitting in a very shallow pool with a water toy and a spade just putting water into this toy with the shovel to see a watermill spin around. In his first kindergarten. That's about it.

The next thing he remembers is quitting this kindergarten to start in another. He was 3 years old, soonly becoming 4 by then. (This first kindergarten only allowed kids from ages 0-3)

He has very few memories from this place, except for a few things.He remembers driving once with a service truck to the place, since his dad worked as a mechanic, which made the other kids envious, since it had flashy lights, like a police-car. Oh, the things that makes kids happy. Another thing he remembers is that they had this backyard where there was a small traffic machine, where one could drive around on three-wheel bikes. Two more things from here to go. First of all, he remembers them letting him disassemble two phones which didn't work anymore, something which he greatly appreciated. (Remember from earlier his interest in how things worked?) Last, there was this girl who, when they ate, never finished her slices of bread properly. She only ate the soft part of the bread, never the crust. So when the rest of the people were finished eating, she had to sit left every day, until she completed her meal. Alex has no idea why he remembers this so well, and he actually even remembers even more about it. One day, for some reason, she finished her crust before she ate the rest of the bread. She was so proud about this. And that's where his memory stops in this kindergarten.

He quit quite quickly in this kindergarten, according to his parents because he was being bullied by some other kid, something which he remembers nothing of himself.

He remember the first day he got to this new kindergarten, it was just SO nice, and he really has a lot of nice memories from it, so he simply cannot tell them all to us. At least it was a nice time of his life, a time he has been looking back on whenever life has put him down really bad, he says, and he wanted to go back to the time before he even knew what the word 'worry' meant. He thinks he was here from when he was 4 or 5 until he was 7. After this, he started school, which we will continue when we get to Part 2.

I wrote this in the third person just because I was bored, somewhat trying to make it sound like a news coverage, altough I've succeeded rather badly at this. That's at least a coverage of the first seven years or so of my life, more to come at at later time.

Posted at 16:51 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Dear Diary, please forgive me, cause I have forsaken thee

20 days since I last wrote here. Amazingly enough, I don't have very much new. I think. At least I feel so right now, but it might end up with plenty of stuff here. Let's see.

In 6 days I am 18 years old. Which means that I have been alive for 18 years. That's a whole lot of time if you ask me. The worst part, I figured, is that I'll never get to be a kid again. I can always be a child at heart, some say, but it's not quite the same. Yet, I wouldn't want to go back to being a kid. It's kind of a conflict. A stupid one too, since I can't go back in time anyway. I wonder what life has to offer to an adult that it couldn't offer me as a child. First of all, I can do stuff without my parents' permission. I don't think there's really that much I want to do that I couldn't do already anyway. I can legally buy alcohol and tobacco, whatever good that will do. I can take all kinds of jobs except those where you sell booze. Which means I might be able to get a job again. Hopefully so, I've been unemployed since September 2003 now, it's getting on my nerves.

My class and I are going to London (you know, capital of England) in about a month. Exactly one month after my 18th birthday, actually. Which means, probably, fun! fun! fun! The class' most annoying person stays back in Norway. You know what that probably means? No annoyances, no annoyances, NO annoyances! Yay. It'll be fun. We're only gonna be there about four days and three nights. So it'll most likely be a little stressed - but who cares, it's London! Wee.

This week is test week at my school. Each day we have a 3-hour test in one subject. On monday we have chemistry, (which I feel I did quite well in, I only think I did wrong on one task) on tuesday we had Norwegian, (which is kind of hard to estimate the success in, it's really all about the teacher's personal judgement (which is why I find this subject to be rather biased (I like theoretical subjects more, where there's a right and a wrong (ooh, fourth level of parentheses)))) today we have a so called study-day, where you can prepare yourself for the two last tests. I should be preparing myself for physics now, (and I will in a while) since that's what we have tomorrow, and maybe also some math. (although physics and math is rather alike, it's just that math is mostly theoretical and physics is sorta practical (it can always be applied to the real life in some way)) I'll have time to practice for math tomorrow too though, so I should really focus on physics. Which I will. Soon.

Mm, that's the update on my current life. Don't stay up waiting for a new one, it might take a while before it gets updated.

Posted at 12:25 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Thursday, March 11, 2004
Being an adult

I'm gonna be 18 soon. Less than a month left until I'm officially an adult. Which is fine and all, but... even though I feel mature and responsible (and have felt so for a long time) I don't feel adult. I don't feel like the title is appropriate on me. In my heart, I know I'm still a child. I also have a feeling I'm gonna feel like this forever. Of course, I'm a lot more mature and responsible than a child, as I mentioned earlier, but I don't feel that I'm "serious" enough to be an adult. I still like stuff like cartoons and comics to be fun. I find things amsuing that I'm sure others my age wouldn't. However, I never said this was bad though, did I? And I don't feel like that either. I like being this way. I enjoy having one foot in each part of life. I hope I end up like my grandmother. She's all childish and fun and cool, but when it's needed, she's totally grown up and mature. That's how I want to be. I wish to be joyful and fun to be around, yet responsible and caring.

I like thinking back on my life. I do so often. So let's go back to the time when I first remember feeling like I was more than a kid. I think I was around 10-12 years old. I think it was during these years I developed the mind of a truly thinking human. If you think back on your childhood, you probably also remember sometime when your mind started going beyond just thinking about cause and effect. You start to think logically, you start to think of WHY the cause has its specific effect. You start wondering about stuff you didn't before. It's so hard to define. It's just like all other biological processes, the transfer goes so slowly you don't notice it. I can't really remember a specific date when "oh, now I changed". Anyway, this change was the first thing that made me feel more adult. Except for all the bodily changes you get when you're in puberty, that is. But those don't really affect your mind that much, but the fact that you start looking at girls a little differently, but that's something everybody knows, I wouldn't really have had to say that. It's a lovely process really. You don't remember it day by day, but you remember how your mind changed. I feel really lucky in a way, about my mind. When God or whomever or whatever distributed attributes, I was given a nifty amount of both intelligence and logic. And it didn't take me long to notice this. My logic sometimes fail me though, like it fails all people. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I'll just stop this topic now.

I think I'll even just drop the whole entry, since I don't have more to say. I never do anymore. Or then I do, but it's so uninteresting that I don't wanna put it here, or it's too personal to put here. In any case it won't end up here. Bye bye, and have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are.

Posted at 22:08 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Monday, March 01, 2004
Ah, so then it's school again tomorrow

Honestly, I like school better than free time. Why, you may ask. Mostly because I have nothing to do when I have free time.. Or then again, I do, but I don't want to do what I can do. Let's see what I can do..

I can watch TV. If there only were something good ever on the TV. I think my TV is on for a total of about 60 minutes a week, unless I actually care to watch the Simpsons every day, something I very seldom do, so usually it's only on for 60 minutes or less.

I can use my TV to play games on. I have a PlayStation with plenty of games, and a PlayStation 2 with some games.. and on my PlayStation I have a NES Emulator with something like 2000 games on. Still I don't feel like it. I suppose I'm spoiled. Not really compared to many people, but I'm too spoiled to enjoy something I know many people would just love to be able to do at all. So I am spoiled.

I can use my PC. It's an all-purpose tool after all. I could, like... play games on it... or... browse the internet... or... chat with people... or... e-mail somebody... or... download something... yeah.. you get the idea. This is also what I often do. Like right now, I'm still downloading those wonderful Sonic SatAM episodes. There might be a God, you know? (That's a joke by the way. Not a joke as in "There might be a God", but as in "There might be a God just because I got my hands on those episodes." And yes, I know you figured it out yourself, but there are so many stupid people in this world, and if you happen to be one of them, be glad I told you this, so you don't have to flame me for saying there might be a God just because of it, and if what I just said insults you, you're not actually stupid enough to fall under the category of stupid. If what I just now said confuses you, heh... I'll just leave that up to you to figure out. But you most likely can't, cause you're stupid, and this is going way too far, since I've explained the joke several sentences back, and uh.. well, I just had to do this.)

But even if I have my PC to do that on, doesn't mean that it's what I want to do.. so I read books, I do. I started doing that not so long ago. I just wish I had begun earlier. My ex-girlfriend suggested it to me already in 2001 I believe. And I think some other people suggested it to me earlier as well. But back then, I always had something else to do, and reading books just sounded to me like a waste of time. So very unproductive. And how wrong was I? Totally. Not only is reading books often better than watching many of the movies I've seen, it's also building up your sense of grammar and vocabulary. Of course, those are only practical reasons... It's actually great to have a "time-waster" now and then, which book reading certainly is. But I still like school better than books. If I bring books to school, I usually don't have time for reading them.. except for on the way to school and on the way back. Why is that?

If you have followed my diary from the beginning, or very early (something which I doubt, I'm rather uninteresting) you've figured that I like school because this is the arena where I socialize. And being social has become more and more important to me, as other things I used to enjoy has become less and less interesting. Of course I can regret having been so damn asocial during my younger school years, but what can I do about that now, eh? More or less nothing, yeah. So I try now to "catch up", without being too overwhelming upon those I socialize with. Yeah, yeah, you know who I mean.

Aye. I like school. I'm a total weirdo. I like most subjects too, btw. So I'm not like, totally focused on school just because of the social part. I like learning. Here's my school schedule, for those of you who are interested. I would like to point out my favorite and least favorite subjects too, before you get to see them. Or then again, you might've skipped this part, and gone straight to the schedule, because it's all yuck-colored and attention-grabbing, but anyway - my favorite subjects are, and have always been math and physics, while my least favorite subjects are german and gym. The first one I dislike due to the first teacher I had in the subject, God, how I hate that moron, and the other one I dislike just because it's physical training forced upon you. And you just gotta do it whether you like it or not. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against physical training, but why don't we get to do what we like? I mean, we often just play soccer or uh.. "field hockey" would be the best translation here, I guess. That's not my idea of fun. I much more enjoy jogging or running. Or volleyball or just plain ball-less play-games. Now that I've said it all, here goes:

08:30 - 09:15 ChemistryPhysicsGeography 
09:20 - 10:05 NorwegianPhysicsGeography/Older History 
10:15 - 11:00PhysicsOlder HistoryChemistryGeography/Older HistoryNorwegian
11:05 - 11:50GuidanceOlder HistoryChemistryPhilosophyKnowledge of Society
11:50 - 12:30Lunch
12:30 - 13:15NorwegianPhilosophyNorwegianGymnastics (P.E.)Knowledge of Society
13:20 - 14:05MathematicsMathematicsNorwegianGymnastics (P.E.)Physics
14:15 - 15:00GermanMathematicsGermanMathematicsPhysics
15:05 - 15:50GermanGuidanceGermanMathematicsGuidance

Interesting, isn't it? I just wish the two last German lessons on Monday and Friday were moved to the beginning of the day instead, and we've even suggested this, but it's impossible, due to so-and-so. I mean, I would rather start early and end early, than start late and end late. And why is that? Because the extra time on the start of the day doesn't have any use at all.

Now I say good bye, cause I just don't have anything else to add, cause I am boring and cause I am tired. Good night too. Since I'm going to bed.

Posted at 00:16 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Thursday, February 26, 2004
Sonic Boom

I haven't mentioned it earlier, mostly due to the fact that I had forgotten it almost, but I'm a huge fan of "Sonic the Hedgehog". This "obsession" is kinda unexplainable. My first introduction to Sonic was when I was about six or seven years old. My uncle had bought himself a Sega Mega Drive 16-bit, and I was totally stunned by the wonderfulness of it. Remember that back then, the best thing so far had been 8-bit. At least of what I had seen. And now it was 256 times more color. What a difference it made. And the fact that the first game I ever saw and played on such a wonderful machine was Sonic has got to do something with it. While mentioning it, I am still more a fan of old 8 and 16-bit platform games than what I am of modern 3D simulations. The day Sonic turned 3D was the day I stopped caring.

If you're not a Sonic fan yourself, or if you don't know anything about Sonic at all, what I am about to tell will most likely make no real sense, mostly due to a lot of names of characters and so on. The best game of them all, if you ask me, and you don't really have the chance to ask anyone else here, hah.. has to be the "Sonic 3" and the "Sonic & Knuckles" cartridges combined game. It had the best Sonic could ever have. The graphics were really brilliant, the gameplay, although very linear and repeating, was, and is still, enchanting and great, and never since have I heard music that matches a game better than in this game. (There might be one game that has had better music, which would be Final Fantasy VII, but that's sorta off-topic) The very best song, if you gotta know, is the one for the "Sky Sanctuary" or the "Hidden Palace". My favorite character is Knuckles the Echidna. Don't ask me why, I don't know, you see.

But Sonic didn't stop with the games. There were of course TV-shows. (cartoons, naturally) The very best ever is the one known as "Sonic the Hedgehog - SatAM" (named so due to it's airing time, I think) The first, and unfortunately last time the show was aired on TV was when I was in elementary school, about nine or ten years old. I've been wanting for it to return ever since, which means I've been waiting for some time now. It'll probably never return though, it's "old stuff", and the current generation of kids most likely don't identify with Sonic the way my generation did. There was also another TV show which was somewhat good, but not nearly close to the quality of the SatAM show, called "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog", which aired simultaneously with the SatAM one. I don't really care too much for that one to return though.

One nice thing has occured though. I've found a source for downloading the SatAM episodes. So I'm doing my best to ensure that I get to see them all again. I already have 10 episodes, which means I have 16 left to go. I just hope I get them all. And don't ask me where I get them, cause I won't tell you. Really. So just drop the thought. No offense though. But keep looking, and you'll find them.

That's the basics of Sonic, from my part. I could write a lot more, like how I feel for each game, and much more how I feel for the TV-shows and so on, but since this isn't really a "Sonic Shrine" or anything like that, I'll just leave it with this. There's a lot of nice information on Sonic the Hedgehog out there if you really wish to know more though. Just give it a google, and you'll find it.

In any case, I am going to bed now. I always write these too late. But nothing to do about that, I usually do other things in the rest of the days.

Posted at 00:21 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Saturday, February 21, 2004
Holidays have begun

Eh, at least it feels that way. Officially, the vacation doesn't start until monday, but it feels like it has already begun, since I don't have school during weekends anyway. My biggest problem is what to use the vacation for. First of all, I need money. Which leads to the fact that I need a job. So I should go out looking for a job. I figured I'll write an application, and send it to various places I would enjoy working at, or at least where I would get good money at, without harming myself or taking time from school and schoolwork. Secondly, I feel a need to do something more than just sitting around. I wouldn't know what though. I have some thoughts about what I can do, that I want to do. First of all, I would like to read. Just read. Whether it be litterature or scientific documents, I'd like to read something. I'd like to work out some. Maybe run, maybe jog. Maybe even try cross-country skiing again.

Considering there's not a single cloud in the sky, I suppose I should get my ass out of this chair, and get out. Out, into the city-part that I live in. To breathe some exhaust and CO2

Posted at 14:27 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Nice day today

It was what we call Winteractivity Day at school today, which we have once a year during winter, where we get out into Mother Nature and enjoys uh.. well.. winteractivities. I did cross-country skiing, something of which I haven't done since I was quite much younger. Last time I can remember, I must've been either nine or ten years old. I never felt like I was born with skis on my feet, like the legend about Norway goes, I always used to hate skiing. I've always been forced into doing it, something which I did not enjoy. But today was different. Today I chose it. So my attitude towards it today was quite different than what it had been before. For being a freshman (I don't remember anything of cross-country skiing from my childhood, all I remember was that it was no fun, and that I just kept falling all the time) I think I did very well. I had a few falls, and I got more tired than I think I have ever been since a very very long time, but fun it was. My ski poles were something like 20-30 cm too short, I was told. Well, how nice. No wonder my arms are about as heavy as a load of bricks when I was done.

Besides the fun of the day, going on skiis, the rest of the day was rather lame. We get to our destination, and I'm dead thirsty, so I go and buy some drinks at outrageous prices, regular at these places though. I paid 40 NOK for 7 dl of Fanta out there, while in the city I could've gotten minimum 1,5 l for less the price. Another thing, the so-called socializing we were supposed to do was totally silly, and it just ended with me leaving way earlier than I expected I would.

Just like yesterday I'm really really tired. Today I have a reason though. Not only have I been out skiing my muscles dead, I've been doing homework for a great while. So I'll stop now.

Posted at 23:01 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Monday, February 16, 2004
The update continues

Yeah, two entries in a day. Actually, I have a lot of catching up to do. Today has been a day that has tired me out. I don't know why, it's not like the day is a lot tougher than other days. In any case, tired I am. Especially in my right shoulder muscles and in my head. You know, that feeling where your head actually feels heavier than it is supposed to be. Unless you have never had a pounding headache.

I got this questionaire from the government today. It said I had been picked out randomly from the national register to participate in a test about drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Kinda funny, I had only ONE answer who was "yes", and that was that "yes, i have had a drink consisting of less than 1/3 desiliter of cider in my life", most others were like "no, I have not ..." I'm a boring person. I'm soon 18, and have not touched drugs nor cigarettes, and I have had so little alcohol in me that I didn't even feel remotely intoxicated. Oh well, I don't complain about that. I have a better statistic than most other people my age can live up to.

I'm not gonna write much more here, after all, I feel really tired, as I said. I'll most likely go and get some hours of rest in my bed. Then I should write something. Although it's not to be done until Friday, there's no reason to be slow about it.

One last thing, we got a test in math back today, which made me feel rather second-rate. Most people would of course be very happy with my score, but damn it, it could've been better. So many unneccesary mistakes. I wish I could take it again. Alas, the world is not always like I want it to be. I'll make sure to do better the next time. Such as on friday, when we have a test in physics, about light waves, the electromagnetic spectrum and thermodynamics.

That'll have to do for now. I would've mentioned an interesting class we had today, but I'm too tired.

Posted at 17:00 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

An update on my life

I never have anything to write here. Or, well, I suppose I do, sometimes, but I forget, or I feel too lazy too. I hope I can make myself write more here, because this is after all, a place where I'm supposed to be able to look back at what I've wrote and have a good laugh, and so on in a couple of years. And yet, as I update now, I won't have much to say, but I do have two or three "news-bulletins" for you.

I can't remember if I mentioned that I am a PC guy, somewhere in this journal, well, in any case, I am. At the moment, I've grown tired of my computer. Actually, I have been since sometimes in December last year, thinking back at it, and so I don't use it for much more than practical stuff, such as doing homework on it, or talking to people over MSN Messenger on it.

On the other hand, since obviously my lack of interest for PC lately also caused my "everything is boring" period some time before Christmas, I have found a new source of interest and entertainment, something which I've known all along has been there, but that I have never really used. Books. Books are like watching a movie, just that the movie is a result of your own imagination, and it's really cool. All of you who read books know the feeling, so I won't get into it here, and I'll tell you who don't read books what a couple of friends of mine told me; "You gotta start reading books!!" Oh well, I'm gonna evade evangelism here. After all, I'm not the one to preach about books.

Furthermore, if you've been reading my earlier entries, you may have noticed that I have a girlfriend. Well, I don't anymore. We broke up. There's really not much more too it. It was a lot less dramatic than I ever expected it to be, and we're just as good friends as we used to be. I don't feel bad about it, and I'm sure she's okay too.

School has become a lot more fun lately. Not that I didn't find school fun before. I have long enjoyed increasing my knowledge, and there's really no better place than school for that, at least not in society today. After all, it'd be more fun doing it on your own, like "make and execute your own school plan" would be a cool idea, but I feel it'd be a little less social. Unless of course it actually took place at a school, but there were no classes. Yeah, that'd be best, since you'd have teachers around to help you if you'd need it. For some reason though, I think this wouldn't work too well. Some people just DON'T belong in school, namely those who just gives a damn about it. Anyway, I got off track, back to why school has become more fun lately. Do you remember those girls I've earlier mentioned, those whose personality was of the kind I'd like to make friends with? Well, if not yet a completely true friendship, at least the tension is gone, and it's no problem walking over and talk to them most of the time. There's not much more to say about that, other than that the fact that I now have such friends make me feel a lot less alone. I know now that there are people in this world who I can relate to in such a way. I have a feeling that what I just wrote makes me appear a little psychotic, but nah... not the case. It's just that ever since I grew to know my mind, I noticed that nobody else that I talked to had the qualities of mind and intelligence that I wanted them to have. This doesn't mean that I didn't have friends, and that my friends didn't cause me much fun and joy, but something was always missing, and now that I've found it, I feel somewhat "honored". So if you were starting to think that I'm weird, that's true, by the way, but I'm not insane. You just gotta know people's past before you can really judge them.

Yeah, and now I wrote a lot more than I expected to do here, heh. Oh well, that never hurts. I will write more. But it may take time.

Posted at 08:00 by darkphoenix
Make a comment  

Next Page