Entry: Being an adult Thursday, March 11, 2004

I'm gonna be 18 soon. Less than a month left until I'm officially an adult. Which is fine and all, but... even though I feel mature and responsible (and have felt so for a long time) I don't feel adult. I don't feel like the title is appropriate on me. In my heart, I know I'm still a child. I also have a feeling I'm gonna feel like this forever. Of course, I'm a lot more mature and responsible than a child, as I mentioned earlier, but I don't feel that I'm "serious" enough to be an adult. I still like stuff like cartoons and comics to be fun. I find things amsuing that I'm sure others my age wouldn't. However, I never said this was bad though, did I? And I don't feel like that either. I like being this way. I enjoy having one foot in each part of life. I hope I end up like my grandmother. She's all childish and fun and cool, but when it's needed, she's totally grown up and mature. That's how I want to be. I wish to be joyful and fun to be around, yet responsible and caring.

I like thinking back on my life. I do so often. So let's go back to the time when I first remember feeling like I was more than a kid. I think I was around 10-12 years old. I think it was during these years I developed the mind of a truly thinking human. If you think back on your childhood, you probably also remember sometime when your mind started going beyond just thinking about cause and effect. You start to think logically, you start to think of WHY the cause has its specific effect. You start wondering about stuff you didn't before. It's so hard to define. It's just like all other biological processes, the transfer goes so slowly you don't notice it. I can't really remember a specific date when "oh, now I changed". Anyway, this change was the first thing that made me feel more adult. Except for all the bodily changes you get when you're in puberty, that is. But those don't really affect your mind that much, but the fact that you start looking at girls a little differently, but that's something everybody knows, I wouldn't really have had to say that. It's a lovely process really. You don't remember it day by day, but you remember how your mind changed. I feel really lucky in a way, about my mind. When God or whomever or whatever distributed attributes, I was given a nifty amount of both intelligence and logic. And it didn't take me long to notice this. My logic sometimes fail me though, like it fails all people. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I'll just stop this topic now.

I think I'll even just drop the whole entry, since I don't have more to say. I never do anymore. Or then I do, but it's so uninteresting that I don't wanna put it here, or it's too personal to put here. In any case it won't end up here. Bye bye, and have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are.


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